Is it just me, or does it seem like people are afraid to call God by his real name? In some religions it is considered a sin to speak the name of God, let alone write it out, but if my observation is correct, then why? I first heard At Your Name (Yahweh, Yahweh) at Phil Wickham's concert about a year ago, and since then this question has been rattling around the back of my mind.
This past July I went to Barranquilla, Colombia on a mission trip with E3 Partners and most defiantly had a heart transplant. There I met and saw so many people who were being moved by the spirit and love of God, that it made me want to shout "Yahweh, Yahweh," There in Colombia I learned a lot from my dear friend Roberto. At the time I was telling him about the hunger for the gospel there in Colombia, and the rejection of the gospel in the United States, and how it was causing me not to want to go back to the US. He then asked me,
"What is your favorite food that your mom makes for you?"
I was a little disheartened at this random question, as I was naively having a bit of a pity party for myself, but despite this I replied with Sopa de Fideo.
"Who do you thank for making the meal?" He asked.
"My mom," I replied, still I was not sure where our conversation was going.
"Your mom was the chef, but was it not the pot who sat on the fire and heated your food?"
After a couple of seconds I responded with, "I suppose it was, but who wants to thank a pot?"
He laughed and said, "Exactly, the pot compliments the love the chef makes the food with. This is how it is with God...
"... we are the pot, we sit over the fire and take the heat to prepare the food that God has given us so we may feed the people God bring to the table. In this we hope that the people will give thanks to God, not the pot."
When Roberto said this, inwardly, my jaw dropped. I had been a missionary for all of three days at the time, and had gone through a lot of training to do what I had been doing, but no one had explained it to me like that with such simplicity as a pot. After this analogy he then told me:
"God has placed you in the United States for a reason, just as he has placed me here, in Colombia. He has made you a good pot here, so what makes you think he will not help you to be a good pot in the United States?"
I did not exactly know what to say, so I said nothing, though I am sure my face said it all: Nothing. Nothing should make me think that he can not use me. Sam Ingrassia said that every moment on a mission trip can be described in two categories: Defining Moments and Divine Appointments. Divine Appointments are when you declare the gospel to a person that God put in front of you for a reason. A Defining Moment is a moment when God himself crosses your path. This was defiantly the most important Defining Moment for me on the trip. It made me realized that God can and will use anyone right where they are. Whether that is in their own home, school, work place, or maybe even half way across the world. He doesn't care who you are or what kind of crap you've done, because God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the Called. He shapes us and molds us slowly, day by day into beings who realize their imperfections and know that God loves them anyway, beings who rejoice that he uses us. Beings that love to shout his name, whether we shout "Yahweh," "God," or "Being I feel stirring inside me that I can't put a name to."
So even though I cried like a baby at the airport in Barranquilla, and even seriously considered running back to the Majestic Hotel, I got on the plane, confident that God would use me Anywhere. No matter if I was in Colombia or on an airplane ordering food from a flight attendant. And although I did slip into a little bit of depression after returning home, God did use me. And even in my sadness I wanted to shout "Yahweh, Yahweh!" with joy.
If we trust Him enough to get out of the way, God will mold us into beautiful pots that prepare food for the plenty.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Stronger
Hello All!
So, it's been awhile, and there have been many things that have happened in my life, that have kept me from writing. The main thing being the death of my Grandfather, Rudy Torres, who was not only my parent(in many ways), but my spiritual mentor who could solve the worlds problems in ten minutes. He died on December 27, 2010, and yes, I was there. I have never told the full story to anyone, so here it goes.
I woke up on Christmas morning at my dads house, in the peaceful rural city of Haslet, Texas, and after opening all the presents under the Christmas tree, I get THE call from my mom. Now, I don't know if any of you have ever received THE call, the one that says that someone you love very much only has a few hours left, but I got one... on Christmas morning. Just a little background: my grandfather had had this massive tomer growing on his liver for three years, and his doctor, even after my grandpapa complained about feeling strange, never caught it. A different doctor diagnosed the tomer as a very rare form of stage four liver cancer. Several months later that same doctor informed my family that that tomber, which was now growing into my grandpapa's heart, would kill him.
You can imagine how upset my family was, especially since, had it been caught maybe even 6 months earlier, my grandpapa might have beat the cancer.
You have to understand, my grandpa was the most independent man in the world, he was 80, but he still walked a mile a day, and ate the healthiest foods ever. So when he became completely dependent within three months, you can imagine that it almost drove him insane. In those last months, he taught me more about life, love, and God than I could have ever learned on my own. So when I got on the air plane(by myself), I began to cry. Not uncontrollably and melodramatically, but soft tears that wet my cheeks, and wouldn't go away. When I got to El Paso, I was immediately taken to the hospital by my mother, and when I walked into my grandpapa's room, I began to cry again.
It was about 5:00pm and he was sitting up watching the football game like he usually did, but in the last three weeks, his face had changed; it was no longer full, and slightly plump, it was gaunt. He cried and smiled when he saw me, and I did the same. I told him "esse Rudy!" and he said "esse Jenna!" which was an inside joke we had made when I was nine. I gave him a hug and he gave me a kiss on the cheek, and I sat down in the chair next to the bed. I was the last of my family to come and visit him that day, (my grandbea, aunt, uncle, and my mom were there all day though) and I was the last one to have a coherent conversation with him.
We talked for about thirty minutes about many things, but in those thirty minutes, without knowing it, he taught me about perseverence. He taught me that no matter what the will of God is, that his name should be praised, even when we don't know why it feels like the world is crashing down on us. He taught me that even in the darkest night, that Christ will light up the sky for me, just to remind me that He is always there. He taught me that Christ will hold my hand and carry me through everything if I let him.
I know without a doubt that Christ was speaking through him, to me that night.
"You know why you are so beautiful, hija?" He asked me
"Why grandpapa?" I replied back.
"You are so beautiful because...."
When he trailed off, and got a blank look in his eyes, I knew that our thirty minutes were up, and my heart dropped. After that an intense pain hit him and caused him to start saying really strange things. After an hour of his intense pain, and very unhelpful nurses, with the help of morphine my grandpapa became comatose. Really late that night, I went to my grandpapa's house with my aunt and went to sleep, and the next day I spent many hours with him in the hospital. I left with my aunt to get something to eat, and when I returned later in the evening my entire family was crowded in to the room.
It was silent.
The only sound were my family members crying. I took a seat in the chair next to the bed, held my grandpapa's hand and sang Amazing Grace, and Heaven Song to him. And after several hours of rotating from the room to the lobby, several of my family members went home except for my Uncle Rudy, my Aunt Martha, my Mom, and myself. My mom spent her night on the bench, my aunt slept in the chair, and my uncle and I shared a horribly uncomfortable fold-able bed. And at about 5:45am I am almost positive that we all woke up, but remained completely silent. The air became eerily cold and still, and everything peacefully silent. And then my grandpa took two last breaths, and we all knew that they were his final two. I started to cry after the lights were turned on, and my mom paged a nurse saying "my father has expired."
A long time before, I had promised myself that if anyone I loved was ever taken away from me, the first thing out of my mouth would be "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, may the name of the Lord be praised." I am pleased to say now, that God gave me the strength to fulfill that promise. After my family came and they were about to wheel my grandpapa away, I took one last look, hugged and kissed him, but my heart and soul somehow knew that it was just a shell, and that my grandpa was now hearing the words "well done my good and faithful servant." When my mom and I got into the white acura, his white acura, I began to cry in a way that I had never cried before. Anyone who has ever grieved knows it. It's a horrible cry, you open your mouth to scream, but nothing comes out. And when you finally have the strength to cry out, it actually sounds like grieving, almost like a soft wail. I thought that I had done all my crying, but when I walked into the house, and saw his chair empty, I began to cry again. I went and slept in my grandpa's bed, and when I couldn't sleep, I went to my own and slept with a shirt of his. When I woke up I prayed, asking God questions that I had never asked before.
I can now say that God has almost fully healed me, I know this because now when I look at his picture, and I start crying, I don't cry because he died, I cry because he lived.
Romans says that "all things go for the good of those who love HIM." And I realize that even in the worst situations, that that verse holds true. God has made me so much stronger in these past five months, and even though I don't feel 'on fire' I have felt closer to God than ever. I have dug down into my faith and theology, and have discovered that what we believe is not just a blind leap of faith, but that it is faith plus logic and science. In everything God gives you he knows that it will make you stronger. And this is one of those things that has made me stronger, of heart, mind, body, and soul. So even when the world is crashing down, know that he will lift you up, and make you stronger.
So the song of this blog is Stronger, by Mandisa. I hope that even though I used the "I" word, more times than I would dare count, that this will reach someone who needs to hear it. Who needs to know that Christ cares, and that His love is unfailing.
Because even on the darkest night, you can count on Him to light up the sky.
So, it's been awhile, and there have been many things that have happened in my life, that have kept me from writing. The main thing being the death of my Grandfather, Rudy Torres, who was not only my parent(in many ways), but my spiritual mentor who could solve the worlds problems in ten minutes. He died on December 27, 2010, and yes, I was there. I have never told the full story to anyone, so here it goes.
I woke up on Christmas morning at my dads house, in the peaceful rural city of Haslet, Texas, and after opening all the presents under the Christmas tree, I get THE call from my mom. Now, I don't know if any of you have ever received THE call, the one that says that someone you love very much only has a few hours left, but I got one... on Christmas morning. Just a little background: my grandfather had had this massive tomer growing on his liver for three years, and his doctor, even after my grandpapa complained about feeling strange, never caught it. A different doctor diagnosed the tomer as a very rare form of stage four liver cancer. Several months later that same doctor informed my family that that tomber, which was now growing into my grandpapa's heart, would kill him.
You can imagine how upset my family was, especially since, had it been caught maybe even 6 months earlier, my grandpapa might have beat the cancer.
You have to understand, my grandpa was the most independent man in the world, he was 80, but he still walked a mile a day, and ate the healthiest foods ever. So when he became completely dependent within three months, you can imagine that it almost drove him insane. In those last months, he taught me more about life, love, and God than I could have ever learned on my own. So when I got on the air plane(by myself), I began to cry. Not uncontrollably and melodramatically, but soft tears that wet my cheeks, and wouldn't go away. When I got to El Paso, I was immediately taken to the hospital by my mother, and when I walked into my grandpapa's room, I began to cry again.
It was about 5:00pm and he was sitting up watching the football game like he usually did, but in the last three weeks, his face had changed; it was no longer full, and slightly plump, it was gaunt. He cried and smiled when he saw me, and I did the same. I told him "esse Rudy!" and he said "esse Jenna!" which was an inside joke we had made when I was nine. I gave him a hug and he gave me a kiss on the cheek, and I sat down in the chair next to the bed. I was the last of my family to come and visit him that day, (my grandbea, aunt, uncle, and my mom were there all day though) and I was the last one to have a coherent conversation with him.
We talked for about thirty minutes about many things, but in those thirty minutes, without knowing it, he taught me about perseverence. He taught me that no matter what the will of God is, that his name should be praised, even when we don't know why it feels like the world is crashing down on us. He taught me that even in the darkest night, that Christ will light up the sky for me, just to remind me that He is always there. He taught me that Christ will hold my hand and carry me through everything if I let him.
I know without a doubt that Christ was speaking through him, to me that night.
"You know why you are so beautiful, hija?" He asked me
"Why grandpapa?" I replied back.
"You are so beautiful because...."
When he trailed off, and got a blank look in his eyes, I knew that our thirty minutes were up, and my heart dropped. After that an intense pain hit him and caused him to start saying really strange things. After an hour of his intense pain, and very unhelpful nurses, with the help of morphine my grandpapa became comatose. Really late that night, I went to my grandpapa's house with my aunt and went to sleep, and the next day I spent many hours with him in the hospital. I left with my aunt to get something to eat, and when I returned later in the evening my entire family was crowded in to the room.
It was silent.
The only sound were my family members crying. I took a seat in the chair next to the bed, held my grandpapa's hand and sang Amazing Grace, and Heaven Song to him. And after several hours of rotating from the room to the lobby, several of my family members went home except for my Uncle Rudy, my Aunt Martha, my Mom, and myself. My mom spent her night on the bench, my aunt slept in the chair, and my uncle and I shared a horribly uncomfortable fold-able bed. And at about 5:45am I am almost positive that we all woke up, but remained completely silent. The air became eerily cold and still, and everything peacefully silent. And then my grandpa took two last breaths, and we all knew that they were his final two. I started to cry after the lights were turned on, and my mom paged a nurse saying "my father has expired."
A long time before, I had promised myself that if anyone I loved was ever taken away from me, the first thing out of my mouth would be "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, may the name of the Lord be praised." I am pleased to say now, that God gave me the strength to fulfill that promise. After my family came and they were about to wheel my grandpapa away, I took one last look, hugged and kissed him, but my heart and soul somehow knew that it was just a shell, and that my grandpa was now hearing the words "well done my good and faithful servant." When my mom and I got into the white acura, his white acura, I began to cry in a way that I had never cried before. Anyone who has ever grieved knows it. It's a horrible cry, you open your mouth to scream, but nothing comes out. And when you finally have the strength to cry out, it actually sounds like grieving, almost like a soft wail. I thought that I had done all my crying, but when I walked into the house, and saw his chair empty, I began to cry again. I went and slept in my grandpa's bed, and when I couldn't sleep, I went to my own and slept with a shirt of his. When I woke up I prayed, asking God questions that I had never asked before.
I can now say that God has almost fully healed me, I know this because now when I look at his picture, and I start crying, I don't cry because he died, I cry because he lived.
Romans says that "all things go for the good of those who love HIM." And I realize that even in the worst situations, that that verse holds true. God has made me so much stronger in these past five months, and even though I don't feel 'on fire' I have felt closer to God than ever. I have dug down into my faith and theology, and have discovered that what we believe is not just a blind leap of faith, but that it is faith plus logic and science. In everything God gives you he knows that it will make you stronger. And this is one of those things that has made me stronger, of heart, mind, body, and soul. So even when the world is crashing down, know that he will lift you up, and make you stronger.
So the song of this blog is Stronger, by Mandisa. I hope that even though I used the "I" word, more times than I would dare count, that this will reach someone who needs to hear it. Who needs to know that Christ cares, and that His love is unfailing.
Because even on the darkest night, you can count on Him to light up the sky.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
7x70
You know...
One of my favorite verses in the bible is Matthew 18:21-22.
"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked,'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seven times seventy times."
This is one of my favorite verses because it shows us one of the greatest ways we can love someone: by forgiving them. Please note that in olden days times saying "seven times seventy times" did not mean 149. It meant 77. So why did Jesus want us to forgive the same person for the same thing seventy-seven times?
I don't know.
But I have a theory.
Its just gonna be one of those questions that we ask when we get to heaven, that is if we aren't too amazed by the beauty of the LORD. What prompted me write this is because someone asked me that very question. I looked at them in deep consideration, trying to formulate a truthful, logical, and WWJS(what would Jesus say) response, and one came to me. I call it the: Get used to it theorem.
If the same person commits the same transgression against you, after they commit this transgression 77 times, then it will just become natural to forgive them, if you had already forgiven them the other 76 times before.
Now to me this makes sense, because we as humans tend to fall into routines, routines become a part of our daily lives-- they become part of us, and natural to do. Should forgiving people not become part of us, and just something we do without thinking? I think so, and I think that the big man upstairs would probably agree. Forgiveness is a gift, it can be given and received. Christ gave us a gift, what was it? Forgiveness for every sin we could possibly commit(except not believing in him before we leave this life). I have noticed that usually I have a song that I accompany with my mini-messages I guess you could call them, so here's today's. "7x70" by Christ August, who is currently going head to head with Phil Wickham fighting to be my favorite artist.
Forgiving someone is all for the benefit of your soul. The fact that YOU might hate someones guts or have a grudge against someone isn't hurting anyone but yourself. Though you might sit around thinking about how and why you have these hateful emotions towards someone, the hated person isn't thinking about how or why you hate them. Why does God dislike hate? Three majorly apparent reasons.
1) When you spend your time carrying unforgiveness around on your back, the weight of it is so large that you will have a hard time carrying your cross. Non-metaphorically: hating distracts you from God.
2) It defiles the most important commandment regarding others: love your neighbor as yourself. Love everyone. No exceptions. Not matter how much you do not like them, love them anyways. Besides, if you are not able to forgive someone else, than obviously, you are not able to forgive yourself. Which is very important, because God has already forgiven you. If the almighty Being that created the heavens and the earth single handedly and everything in between, forgave you for all the stupid stuff you've done... then you should forgive you too.
3) It's hypocritical. If we are called to love, and claim to live a life of love, but we hate, then how is that bringing glory to God? Stop trying to think of ways... because it doesn't hehe. If our life's purpose is to bring glory to God and bring others to bring glory to God, do you think that they will want to do that if they think that we are nothing but a bunch of hypocrites? I sure wouldn't. Just like the words of Gandhi, "I love your Jesus, but not your Christians"
Lots of people like Jesus, I mean come on, He's Jesus, whats not to like, but many people are prevented from loving him because they see the way some of the people who do claim to love him act. So in the words of Paul "Live a life worthy of the calling you have received." can't remember what book or verse, but definitely Paul.
Besides not forgiving someone is choosing not to give God an aspect of your life, God doesn't want part of you... he wants all of You. The good and the bad. You'd be surprised how forgiving someone can change your life. You'd be surprised at the pain and hate that seems to exit your heart.
Because when we choose to forgive, we are choosing to love.
One of my favorite verses in the bible is Matthew 18:21-22.
"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked,'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seven times seventy times."
This is one of my favorite verses because it shows us one of the greatest ways we can love someone: by forgiving them. Please note that in olden days times saying "seven times seventy times" did not mean 149. It meant 77. So why did Jesus want us to forgive the same person for the same thing seventy-seven times?
I don't know.
But I have a theory.
Its just gonna be one of those questions that we ask when we get to heaven, that is if we aren't too amazed by the beauty of the LORD. What prompted me write this is because someone asked me that very question. I looked at them in deep consideration, trying to formulate a truthful, logical, and WWJS(what would Jesus say) response, and one came to me. I call it the: Get used to it theorem.
If the same person commits the same transgression against you, after they commit this transgression 77 times, then it will just become natural to forgive them, if you had already forgiven them the other 76 times before.
Now to me this makes sense, because we as humans tend to fall into routines, routines become a part of our daily lives-- they become part of us, and natural to do. Should forgiving people not become part of us, and just something we do without thinking? I think so, and I think that the big man upstairs would probably agree. Forgiveness is a gift, it can be given and received. Christ gave us a gift, what was it? Forgiveness for every sin we could possibly commit(except not believing in him before we leave this life). I have noticed that usually I have a song that I accompany with my mini-messages I guess you could call them, so here's today's. "7x70" by Christ August, who is currently going head to head with Phil Wickham fighting to be my favorite artist.
Forgiving someone is all for the benefit of your soul. The fact that YOU might hate someones guts or have a grudge against someone isn't hurting anyone but yourself. Though you might sit around thinking about how and why you have these hateful emotions towards someone, the hated person isn't thinking about how or why you hate them. Why does God dislike hate? Three majorly apparent reasons.
1) When you spend your time carrying unforgiveness around on your back, the weight of it is so large that you will have a hard time carrying your cross. Non-metaphorically: hating distracts you from God.
2) It defiles the most important commandment regarding others: love your neighbor as yourself. Love everyone. No exceptions. Not matter how much you do not like them, love them anyways. Besides, if you are not able to forgive someone else, than obviously, you are not able to forgive yourself. Which is very important, because God has already forgiven you. If the almighty Being that created the heavens and the earth single handedly and everything in between, forgave you for all the stupid stuff you've done... then you should forgive you too.
3) It's hypocritical. If we are called to love, and claim to live a life of love, but we hate, then how is that bringing glory to God? Stop trying to think of ways... because it doesn't hehe. If our life's purpose is to bring glory to God and bring others to bring glory to God, do you think that they will want to do that if they think that we are nothing but a bunch of hypocrites? I sure wouldn't. Just like the words of Gandhi, "I love your Jesus, but not your Christians"
Lots of people like Jesus, I mean come on, He's Jesus, whats not to like, but many people are prevented from loving him because they see the way some of the people who do claim to love him act. So in the words of Paul "Live a life worthy of the calling you have received." can't remember what book or verse, but definitely Paul.
Besides not forgiving someone is choosing not to give God an aspect of your life, God doesn't want part of you... he wants all of You. The good and the bad. You'd be surprised how forgiving someone can change your life. You'd be surprised at the pain and hate that seems to exit your heart.
Because when we choose to forgive, we are choosing to love.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
No Guilt in Life, No Fear in Death
Hello All!
Today, I sit on my bed, listening to a song, and its absolutely beautiful.
Its a song by Adam Young, but most people know him as Owl City.
He recorded a song, that is unfortunately not available for download
as of now, but you can listen to it on his blog. It is his version of In Christ Alone.
In Christ alone, my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My comforter, my all-in-all
Here in the love of Christ I stand
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand
For some reason, I can describe why,but it made my soul soar. I cried and I cried, tears of realization of what had been done for me, and tears of joy, because I know what I must do. We must love those, of all placed and all backgrounds. Despite our differences and despite the fact that we are possibly supposed to hate each other, we must love each other. He has given us so much, he has given us faith, and hope, and love that cannot be matched. God's love for us is firm and unable to be moved. He has given us each a gift and abilities and power. Inside us, his children, he has given us the ability to love everyone in a way that is different from others of the world. No fear in life no guilt in death, this is the power Christ has given us!
We have no reason to be afraid of anything!
If our God is with us then what should be fear but Him? I have problems with this one, I am so afraid of everything. If someone comes up behind me, I jump it scares me so much. I am even afraid to pray in the dark! Its ridiculous I know, but it happens to me. Sometimes I don't even do what i know that He wants me to do because I am scared of who knows what. But in reality, what is there to be afraid of? What is there to fear, not Man nor Angels nor Demons, nor Satan himself! "No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand"! If the love of our lives is Jesus Christ and our biggest fear is loosing Him, then what is there to fear? That verse in Romans that I need to memorize that say that there is no height nor death or anything that could ever separate us from the love of Christ!
And the second, No guilt in death. This one is fully baffling because we simply do too many things that we feel guilty about. I have a huge conscience and I know when I've done something wrong because the guilt stays with me until I fix it. Because of what has been done for us, we are able to approach the throne of Grace without blame all because of Jesus. We don't have a day of atonement where we have to perform rituals and sacrifices in order to be forgiven because all we have to do is ask Him and He will tell us that He has forgiven us long before the act was committed, all because we have put our faith in Him. All because God sent his only begotten Son so that all who believe in him will not perish but have eternal life. Oh death you have lost your sting! When we go home I pray that the words I will hear are "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Because Fearlessness coupled with Guiltlessness coupled with the Will Of God... makes us unstoppable.
Today, I sit on my bed, listening to a song, and its absolutely beautiful.
Its a song by Adam Young, but most people know him as Owl City.
He recorded a song, that is unfortunately not available for download
as of now, but you can listen to it on his blog. It is his version of In Christ Alone.
In Christ alone, my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My comforter, my all-in-all
Here in the love of Christ I stand
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand
For some reason, I can describe why,but it made my soul soar. I cried and I cried, tears of realization of what had been done for me, and tears of joy, because I know what I must do. We must love those, of all placed and all backgrounds. Despite our differences and despite the fact that we are possibly supposed to hate each other, we must love each other. He has given us so much, he has given us faith, and hope, and love that cannot be matched. God's love for us is firm and unable to be moved. He has given us each a gift and abilities and power. Inside us, his children, he has given us the ability to love everyone in a way that is different from others of the world. No fear in life no guilt in death, this is the power Christ has given us!
We have no reason to be afraid of anything!
If our God is with us then what should be fear but Him? I have problems with this one, I am so afraid of everything. If someone comes up behind me, I jump it scares me so much. I am even afraid to pray in the dark! Its ridiculous I know, but it happens to me. Sometimes I don't even do what i know that He wants me to do because I am scared of who knows what. But in reality, what is there to be afraid of? What is there to fear, not Man nor Angels nor Demons, nor Satan himself! "No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand"! If the love of our lives is Jesus Christ and our biggest fear is loosing Him, then what is there to fear? That verse in Romans that I need to memorize that say that there is no height nor death or anything that could ever separate us from the love of Christ!
And the second, No guilt in death. This one is fully baffling because we simply do too many things that we feel guilty about. I have a huge conscience and I know when I've done something wrong because the guilt stays with me until I fix it. Because of what has been done for us, we are able to approach the throne of Grace without blame all because of Jesus. We don't have a day of atonement where we have to perform rituals and sacrifices in order to be forgiven because all we have to do is ask Him and He will tell us that He has forgiven us long before the act was committed, all because we have put our faith in Him. All because God sent his only begotten Son so that all who believe in him will not perish but have eternal life. Oh death you have lost your sting! When we go home I pray that the words I will hear are "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Because Fearlessness coupled with Guiltlessness coupled with the Will Of God... makes us unstoppable.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
At the Side of a Well...
Hey All!
Over the past couple of days I have been reading the book called "A Voice in the Wind" by one of my favorite authors Francine Rivers. This is a christian fiction, but in reality it is no at all fiction, it tells a tale of a girl maybe some 40 years after the death of Christ. She is one of the first Christians, and is taken captive during the Roman seize of Jerusalem. Her entire family dies, and she is sold as a slave. Through all of this the girl asks God, "Jesus why did you spare me, the one whom has the least amount of faith?" well something along those lines. This book really opened my eyes to two big facts: 1) in my own way I am EXACTLY the same person as this girl, and 2) I am completely scared, and as a result I am missing out on all that God has to offer me.
(I am so sorry, the word I is about to be over used) I remember a time in my life, the summer of '09 when I was a fresh, brand new Christian. Completely on fire for Christ Jesus, I let him rule over every aspect of my life, and I fought countless battles for my faith. That is the only time in my entire existence where I truly experienced an unfathomable peace. My soul rested in Christ alone, and I wasn't afraid.
My, my; how things change over the course of a year.
A couple of days ago I recognized my big mistake and realized: somethings gotta change. Now during this time period of "Christianity" it is so easy to loose sight of God and focus in on ourselves. Granted there are MANY Christians who have not lost sight of the light, but there are many of us who have. I think we forget to evaluate ourselves. And I think that if we do, we might be surprised. Because some of us will realize how different we are from those first few months of being a fresh Christian, ready to spring up and fulfill the will of God.
Now a days I am so scared. Most people know for a fact that I am a "strong Christian", but most that are not Christian don't realize that I am a seriously crappy display of what a real Christian should be like. I think of the year and a half I have been a Christian that I have shared the word of God to a nonbeliever a grand stinking total of zero times. Why? Well for the same reason that the other 96.4% of Christians never do(not a made up statistic). I am scared. Obviously I am not scared that I will be thrown to a batch of hungry under fed lions, but I am scared of being rejected because of my faith. I am well aware of the fact that there are more than a hundred people in my life that do not know Christ. But do I do anything about it... no. Of course not. Do you see the problem? I do. We should be grabbing at every opportunity to share the story of love. But why don't we? Are we so scared and selfish that we settle with our own salvation, and are willing to watch others live life without the gift? I know that I am, was. But I decided to make a change. I decided to tear down the walls I've put up between myself and God, and let him control EVERY aspect of my life. Not just the parts that I think he should control. I always tell the band bible study: "God doesn't want part of you... he wants all of you." But I have been so wrapped up in my own little world with a population of me, that I have forgotten to follow my own advice! I will now listen to the thirst of my heart, and turn back to the one who can quench that thirst. Because I know that I have missed Jesus, and that I have been dying of thirst at the side of a well. The mask has come off and I now have my sword and my shield(biblically speaking that is), and I am ready to go out and do what I was created to do. Now maybe the population of my world will be more that me. Maybe now it will be 6,790,062,216
Because when we are dying of thirst at the side of a well, all common logic tells us to get up and take a drink.
Over the past couple of days I have been reading the book called "A Voice in the Wind" by one of my favorite authors Francine Rivers. This is a christian fiction, but in reality it is no at all fiction, it tells a tale of a girl maybe some 40 years after the death of Christ. She is one of the first Christians, and is taken captive during the Roman seize of Jerusalem. Her entire family dies, and she is sold as a slave. Through all of this the girl asks God, "Jesus why did you spare me, the one whom has the least amount of faith?" well something along those lines. This book really opened my eyes to two big facts: 1) in my own way I am EXACTLY the same person as this girl, and 2) I am completely scared, and as a result I am missing out on all that God has to offer me.
(I am so sorry, the word I is about to be over used) I remember a time in my life, the summer of '09 when I was a fresh, brand new Christian. Completely on fire for Christ Jesus, I let him rule over every aspect of my life, and I fought countless battles for my faith. That is the only time in my entire existence where I truly experienced an unfathomable peace. My soul rested in Christ alone, and I wasn't afraid.
My, my; how things change over the course of a year.
A couple of days ago I recognized my big mistake and realized: somethings gotta change. Now during this time period of "Christianity" it is so easy to loose sight of God and focus in on ourselves. Granted there are MANY Christians who have not lost sight of the light, but there are many of us who have. I think we forget to evaluate ourselves. And I think that if we do, we might be surprised. Because some of us will realize how different we are from those first few months of being a fresh Christian, ready to spring up and fulfill the will of God.
Now a days I am so scared. Most people know for a fact that I am a "strong Christian", but most that are not Christian don't realize that I am a seriously crappy display of what a real Christian should be like. I think of the year and a half I have been a Christian that I have shared the word of God to a nonbeliever a grand stinking total of zero times. Why? Well for the same reason that the other 96.4% of Christians never do(not a made up statistic). I am scared. Obviously I am not scared that I will be thrown to a batch of hungry under fed lions, but I am scared of being rejected because of my faith. I am well aware of the fact that there are more than a hundred people in my life that do not know Christ. But do I do anything about it... no. Of course not. Do you see the problem? I do. We should be grabbing at every opportunity to share the story of love. But why don't we? Are we so scared and selfish that we settle with our own salvation, and are willing to watch others live life without the gift? I know that I am, was. But I decided to make a change. I decided to tear down the walls I've put up between myself and God, and let him control EVERY aspect of my life. Not just the parts that I think he should control. I always tell the band bible study: "God doesn't want part of you... he wants all of you." But I have been so wrapped up in my own little world with a population of me, that I have forgotten to follow my own advice! I will now listen to the thirst of my heart, and turn back to the one who can quench that thirst. Because I know that I have missed Jesus, and that I have been dying of thirst at the side of a well. The mask has come off and I now have my sword and my shield(biblically speaking that is), and I am ready to go out and do what I was created to do. Now maybe the population of my world will be more that me. Maybe now it will be 6,790,062,216
Because when we are dying of thirst at the side of a well, all common logic tells us to get up and take a drink.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
In All Honesty...
In all honesty... I don't know what to write about. I'm genuinely hoping that something will morph into something... I'd like to dedicate this blog to my dearest friend Hayli Boren, who just happens to be sitting next to me. I love her, she is my SOUL sister. SOUL actually stands for Sisters in Our Undeniable Lord, it originally was SOL, but some would translate that as S... Out of Luck, so we quickly changed it.
Considering that my grandfather is ill, my mom has been flying back and forth to El Paso to visit and be with him. Being an only child I am used to having all the attention, but now I hardly see my mom it seems.
I've been put on the back burner. For the first time in my life.
Of course this is all strange and weird, and I don't like it. My mom's life used to practically revolve around me, and now I probably am the least of her worries. She told me "Jenna, you need to step it up, and take this time to grow up a bit, because I need you to. Please don't grow up completely, but just a little would be nice." Of course I didn't take this well, it hurt. Granted she said it in the nicest way possible, but that is when I really figured out that yes, I am extremely mature for my age, but I am too childish in forgetting things and procrastinating.
I guess I never thought that I would have to become mature before I was an adult, and sooner or later all teens have to become a young adult rather than a teen before they can actually be considered an adult for whatever reason. I just never guess it would happen to me. Of course I've been struggling with God through this, because he knows what I need to do, and I don't want to do it. My journals have become shorter, and I am less enthusiastic about my bible reading, but there is one reason I have been able to stay so strong. Faith. And along with faith, the person who is teaching me to have faith, the person who believes that faith is crap and logic is all that matters. For purposes of privacy we will call him... Cole.
I am very good friends with Cole, and he wants proof, not faith. Through answering as many of his questions as I can, God has strengthened me, and helped me to love really hard. I love Joe, I love him a lot. He is definitely one of my dearest friends. And it is because I love him a lot that I want to see him one day after I die, and not in the line of people going to Hell.
I've been tested and pushed far beyond my limits talking to my friend. Sometimes I can't answer his questions, and I feel like I'm failing him... I feel so hopeless sometimes. But I am trying super hard to not give up and keep my faith, knowing that my dear friend Cole has been placed in my life for a reason.
I just wanted to share this with you all because I would really like everyone to be stronger than I am myself. I love you all, and I try to love everyone. Faith is how we see, so we might as well not be blind.
Considering that my grandfather is ill, my mom has been flying back and forth to El Paso to visit and be with him. Being an only child I am used to having all the attention, but now I hardly see my mom it seems.
I've been put on the back burner. For the first time in my life.
Of course this is all strange and weird, and I don't like it. My mom's life used to practically revolve around me, and now I probably am the least of her worries. She told me "Jenna, you need to step it up, and take this time to grow up a bit, because I need you to. Please don't grow up completely, but just a little would be nice." Of course I didn't take this well, it hurt. Granted she said it in the nicest way possible, but that is when I really figured out that yes, I am extremely mature for my age, but I am too childish in forgetting things and procrastinating.
I guess I never thought that I would have to become mature before I was an adult, and sooner or later all teens have to become a young adult rather than a teen before they can actually be considered an adult for whatever reason. I just never guess it would happen to me. Of course I've been struggling with God through this, because he knows what I need to do, and I don't want to do it. My journals have become shorter, and I am less enthusiastic about my bible reading, but there is one reason I have been able to stay so strong. Faith. And along with faith, the person who is teaching me to have faith, the person who believes that faith is crap and logic is all that matters. For purposes of privacy we will call him... Cole.
I am very good friends with Cole, and he wants proof, not faith. Through answering as many of his questions as I can, God has strengthened me, and helped me to love really hard. I love Joe, I love him a lot. He is definitely one of my dearest friends. And it is because I love him a lot that I want to see him one day after I die, and not in the line of people going to Hell.
I've been tested and pushed far beyond my limits talking to my friend. Sometimes I can't answer his questions, and I feel like I'm failing him... I feel so hopeless sometimes. But I am trying super hard to not give up and keep my faith, knowing that my dear friend Cole has been placed in my life for a reason.
I just wanted to share this with you all because I would really like everyone to be stronger than I am myself. I love you all, and I try to love everyone. Faith is how we see, so we might as well not be blind.
Monday, September 13, 2010
It Hit Me Hard
Hello All!
Today in my English III class we discussed a poem written by a puritan woman in 1666 upon the burning of her house, and the loss of everything she owned. I am not going to lie, I was very surprised that they allowed us to read this poem for one reason: it was about a woman's faith in Christ. And considering that we had a deep discussion on it, I was thoroughly shocked. This poem really came at the right time, considering the hardships I am undergoing, because this woman wakes up to her house being burnt down, and what is this first thing she does?
She Prays.
She says "And to my God my heart did cry, to strengthen me in my distress, And not to leave me succourless."
This first thing she prays about is for God to strengthen her, and to be here with her.To me that was an outstanding profession of faith. She was like Job, she did not curse the name of the LORD, and even more amazingly, she did not ask why, or doubt or question, she says "And when I could no longer look, I blest his grace that gave and took, That laid my goods now in the dust. Yea, so it was, and so 'twas just, it was his own; it was not mine." She praises God! She praises God because she realized that she had been putting her faith into things that would fade and crumble anyway. She accepts the situation simply because God had put it in her life! And the bonus was that it made her stronger! She scolds herself for loving the world and man-made things! Things that we don't think twice about before loving it. Yes, God had to burn her house down in order to give her this revelation, but she realized it, and she learned and moved forward from it. And this last part makes me want to cry, because the severity of its truth is heart deep.
"Raise up thy thoughts above the sky, That dunghill mists away may fly. Thou hast a house on High Erect fram'd by that mighty architect, with glory richly furnished Stands permanent, though this be fled. It was purchased and paid for too By him who hath enough to do. A price so vast as is unknown Yet by his gift is made thine own. There's wealth enough; I need no more Farewell my pelf, farewell my store. The world no longer let me love, my wealth and treasure lies above." If we want to love God and belong to him, then we need to fall out of love with the world, and fall back in love, or just flat out in love with him... The world no longer let me love-- love the world no longer, because our wealth and treasure is in heaven with Christ our LORD.
The second I finished reading this God spoke to me, "A woman of faith, my woman of faith." I wonder what happened to Anne Bradstreet, the woman who had endless faith, I guess I will have to wait until I meet her someday, where I KNOW she will be. reading this poem has defiantly effected me, and I am glad God chose to speak to me.... oh great, now I am going to be rhyming all day. Farewell! See you soon! God bless you all!
Today in my English III class we discussed a poem written by a puritan woman in 1666 upon the burning of her house, and the loss of everything she owned. I am not going to lie, I was very surprised that they allowed us to read this poem for one reason: it was about a woman's faith in Christ. And considering that we had a deep discussion on it, I was thoroughly shocked. This poem really came at the right time, considering the hardships I am undergoing, because this woman wakes up to her house being burnt down, and what is this first thing she does?
She Prays.
She says "And to my God my heart did cry, to strengthen me in my distress, And not to leave me succourless."
This first thing she prays about is for God to strengthen her, and to be here with her.To me that was an outstanding profession of faith. She was like Job, she did not curse the name of the LORD, and even more amazingly, she did not ask why, or doubt or question, she says "And when I could no longer look, I blest his grace that gave and took, That laid my goods now in the dust. Yea, so it was, and so 'twas just, it was his own; it was not mine." She praises God! She praises God because she realized that she had been putting her faith into things that would fade and crumble anyway. She accepts the situation simply because God had put it in her life! And the bonus was that it made her stronger! She scolds herself for loving the world and man-made things! Things that we don't think twice about before loving it. Yes, God had to burn her house down in order to give her this revelation, but she realized it, and she learned and moved forward from it. And this last part makes me want to cry, because the severity of its truth is heart deep.
"Raise up thy thoughts above the sky, That dunghill mists away may fly. Thou hast a house on High Erect fram'd by that mighty architect, with glory richly furnished Stands permanent, though this be fled. It was purchased and paid for too By him who hath enough to do. A price so vast as is unknown Yet by his gift is made thine own. There's wealth enough; I need no more Farewell my pelf, farewell my store. The world no longer let me love, my wealth and treasure lies above." If we want to love God and belong to him, then we need to fall out of love with the world, and fall back in love, or just flat out in love with him... The world no longer let me love-- love the world no longer, because our wealth and treasure is in heaven with Christ our LORD.
The second I finished reading this God spoke to me, "A woman of faith, my woman of faith." I wonder what happened to Anne Bradstreet, the woman who had endless faith, I guess I will have to wait until I meet her someday, where I KNOW she will be. reading this poem has defiantly effected me, and I am glad God chose to speak to me.... oh great, now I am going to be rhyming all day. Farewell! See you soon! God bless you all!
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