In all honesty... I don't know what to write about. I'm genuinely hoping that something will morph into something... I'd like to dedicate this blog to my dearest friend Hayli Boren, who just happens to be sitting next to me. I love her, she is my SOUL sister. SOUL actually stands for Sisters in Our Undeniable Lord, it originally was SOL, but some would translate that as S... Out of Luck, so we quickly changed it.
Considering that my grandfather is ill, my mom has been flying back and forth to El Paso to visit and be with him. Being an only child I am used to having all the attention, but now I hardly see my mom it seems.
I've been put on the back burner. For the first time in my life.
Of course this is all strange and weird, and I don't like it. My mom's life used to practically revolve around me, and now I probably am the least of her worries. She told me "Jenna, you need to step it up, and take this time to grow up a bit, because I need you to. Please don't grow up completely, but just a little would be nice." Of course I didn't take this well, it hurt. Granted she said it in the nicest way possible, but that is when I really figured out that yes, I am extremely mature for my age, but I am too childish in forgetting things and procrastinating.
I guess I never thought that I would have to become mature before I was an adult, and sooner or later all teens have to become a young adult rather than a teen before they can actually be considered an adult for whatever reason. I just never guess it would happen to me. Of course I've been struggling with God through this, because he knows what I need to do, and I don't want to do it. My journals have become shorter, and I am less enthusiastic about my bible reading, but there is one reason I have been able to stay so strong. Faith. And along with faith, the person who is teaching me to have faith, the person who believes that faith is crap and logic is all that matters. For purposes of privacy we will call him... Cole.
I am very good friends with Cole, and he wants proof, not faith. Through answering as many of his questions as I can, God has strengthened me, and helped me to love really hard. I love Joe, I love him a lot. He is definitely one of my dearest friends. And it is because I love him a lot that I want to see him one day after I die, and not in the line of people going to Hell.
I've been tested and pushed far beyond my limits talking to my friend. Sometimes I can't answer his questions, and I feel like I'm failing him... I feel so hopeless sometimes. But I am trying super hard to not give up and keep my faith, knowing that my dear friend Cole has been placed in my life for a reason.
I just wanted to share this with you all because I would really like everyone to be stronger than I am myself. I love you all, and I try to love everyone. Faith is how we see, so we might as well not be blind.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
It Hit Me Hard
Hello All!
Today in my English III class we discussed a poem written by a puritan woman in 1666 upon the burning of her house, and the loss of everything she owned. I am not going to lie, I was very surprised that they allowed us to read this poem for one reason: it was about a woman's faith in Christ. And considering that we had a deep discussion on it, I was thoroughly shocked. This poem really came at the right time, considering the hardships I am undergoing, because this woman wakes up to her house being burnt down, and what is this first thing she does?
She Prays.
She says "And to my God my heart did cry, to strengthen me in my distress, And not to leave me succourless."
This first thing she prays about is for God to strengthen her, and to be here with her.To me that was an outstanding profession of faith. She was like Job, she did not curse the name of the LORD, and even more amazingly, she did not ask why, or doubt or question, she says "And when I could no longer look, I blest his grace that gave and took, That laid my goods now in the dust. Yea, so it was, and so 'twas just, it was his own; it was not mine." She praises God! She praises God because she realized that she had been putting her faith into things that would fade and crumble anyway. She accepts the situation simply because God had put it in her life! And the bonus was that it made her stronger! She scolds herself for loving the world and man-made things! Things that we don't think twice about before loving it. Yes, God had to burn her house down in order to give her this revelation, but she realized it, and she learned and moved forward from it. And this last part makes me want to cry, because the severity of its truth is heart deep.
"Raise up thy thoughts above the sky, That dunghill mists away may fly. Thou hast a house on High Erect fram'd by that mighty architect, with glory richly furnished Stands permanent, though this be fled. It was purchased and paid for too By him who hath enough to do. A price so vast as is unknown Yet by his gift is made thine own. There's wealth enough; I need no more Farewell my pelf, farewell my store. The world no longer let me love, my wealth and treasure lies above." If we want to love God and belong to him, then we need to fall out of love with the world, and fall back in love, or just flat out in love with him... The world no longer let me love-- love the world no longer, because our wealth and treasure is in heaven with Christ our LORD.
The second I finished reading this God spoke to me, "A woman of faith, my woman of faith." I wonder what happened to Anne Bradstreet, the woman who had endless faith, I guess I will have to wait until I meet her someday, where I KNOW she will be. reading this poem has defiantly effected me, and I am glad God chose to speak to me.... oh great, now I am going to be rhyming all day. Farewell! See you soon! God bless you all!
Today in my English III class we discussed a poem written by a puritan woman in 1666 upon the burning of her house, and the loss of everything she owned. I am not going to lie, I was very surprised that they allowed us to read this poem for one reason: it was about a woman's faith in Christ. And considering that we had a deep discussion on it, I was thoroughly shocked. This poem really came at the right time, considering the hardships I am undergoing, because this woman wakes up to her house being burnt down, and what is this first thing she does?
She Prays.
She says "And to my God my heart did cry, to strengthen me in my distress, And not to leave me succourless."
This first thing she prays about is for God to strengthen her, and to be here with her.To me that was an outstanding profession of faith. She was like Job, she did not curse the name of the LORD, and even more amazingly, she did not ask why, or doubt or question, she says "And when I could no longer look, I blest his grace that gave and took, That laid my goods now in the dust. Yea, so it was, and so 'twas just, it was his own; it was not mine." She praises God! She praises God because she realized that she had been putting her faith into things that would fade and crumble anyway. She accepts the situation simply because God had put it in her life! And the bonus was that it made her stronger! She scolds herself for loving the world and man-made things! Things that we don't think twice about before loving it. Yes, God had to burn her house down in order to give her this revelation, but she realized it, and she learned and moved forward from it. And this last part makes me want to cry, because the severity of its truth is heart deep.
"Raise up thy thoughts above the sky, That dunghill mists away may fly. Thou hast a house on High Erect fram'd by that mighty architect, with glory richly furnished Stands permanent, though this be fled. It was purchased and paid for too By him who hath enough to do. A price so vast as is unknown Yet by his gift is made thine own. There's wealth enough; I need no more Farewell my pelf, farewell my store. The world no longer let me love, my wealth and treasure lies above." If we want to love God and belong to him, then we need to fall out of love with the world, and fall back in love, or just flat out in love with him... The world no longer let me love-- love the world no longer, because our wealth and treasure is in heaven with Christ our LORD.
The second I finished reading this God spoke to me, "A woman of faith, my woman of faith." I wonder what happened to Anne Bradstreet, the woman who had endless faith, I guess I will have to wait until I meet her someday, where I KNOW she will be. reading this poem has defiantly effected me, and I am glad God chose to speak to me.... oh great, now I am going to be rhyming all day. Farewell! See you soon! God bless you all!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Dear Heart...
This blog is dedicated to the members of the incredible band Sanctus Real since I will be usuing their lyrics in this post, and just because Pieces of a Real Heart has changed my life.
Dear Heart,
Do you belong to me, or do I belong to you? Just look at all the trouble you've dragged me into I've heard it said to follow your heart, but I'm starting to wonder if it's gone too far.
Oh Heart, you've let me down, chasing love where it can't be found. Heart we've fallen out, cause all your emotions have lead me to doubt. Tell me who's gonna save us now?
Dead Heart youre in the wrong place, lookini g out for yourself no matter what I say, and I know that your holding me back, and its time for a change, so I'm giving you away.
Dear Heart, you've let me down, chasing love where it can't be found. Heart we've fallen out, cause all you emotions have lead me to doubt.
Tell me whose gonna save us now?
Repeat
*Only Jesus can save us now...*
-Sanctus Real, Dear Heart, Pieces of a Real Heart.
This song has really put things into perspective for me.This song is about a heart that belongs to the person whom it is keeping alive. Have you ever heard the bible verse "Above all else guard yourself for it is the well spring of life"? Proverbs 4:23 One of the wisest women I know spoke this verse into my mind, and I think that what it says is very relevant. Above ALL else, guard your HEART for it is the WELLSPRING of LIFE.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the world... we need heart insurance.
If you want I can give you my heart agent, would you like me to recomend him? His name is Jesus Christ, and the only primium is loving him back. He's really the only one who will actually protect yours. All the other agents are phony... they just take your heart, drop it a couple of times, and maybe squish it. Not very pretty, but anyways if we are supposed to guard out hearts, All State isn't the one with good hands Christ is, and unlike Geico, who doesn't want to deal with you for more than fifteen minutes, God wants to deal with you forever. Because once you come around Christ wants to keep you around.
Yea... my God is pretty cool. If you decide to make Christ your ultimate heart insurance agent, you will find that there is no sustain able heart injury that he can't heal.
But unlike insurance Christ isn't with you just in case, He is with you when the 'in-case" happens and when you are living life. Becuase when He becomes our reason for living, we start to wonder how we lived without him in the first place. So give him a call, his number is 1-888-just pray. (this is not a real phone number) or 1-888- the-goal-is-love(nor this one)
Thank you! God bless!
Dear Heart,
Do you belong to me, or do I belong to you? Just look at all the trouble you've dragged me into I've heard it said to follow your heart, but I'm starting to wonder if it's gone too far.
Oh Heart, you've let me down, chasing love where it can't be found. Heart we've fallen out, cause all your emotions have lead me to doubt. Tell me who's gonna save us now?
Dead Heart youre in the wrong place, lookini g out for yourself no matter what I say, and I know that your holding me back, and its time for a change, so I'm giving you away.
Dear Heart, you've let me down, chasing love where it can't be found. Heart we've fallen out, cause all you emotions have lead me to doubt.
Tell me whose gonna save us now?
Repeat
*Only Jesus can save us now...*
-Sanctus Real, Dear Heart, Pieces of a Real Heart.
This song has really put things into perspective for me.This song is about a heart that belongs to the person whom it is keeping alive. Have you ever heard the bible verse "Above all else guard yourself for it is the well spring of life"? Proverbs 4:23 One of the wisest women I know spoke this verse into my mind, and I think that what it says is very relevant. Above ALL else, guard your HEART for it is the WELLSPRING of LIFE.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the world... we need heart insurance.
If you want I can give you my heart agent, would you like me to recomend him? His name is Jesus Christ, and the only primium is loving him back. He's really the only one who will actually protect yours. All the other agents are phony... they just take your heart, drop it a couple of times, and maybe squish it. Not very pretty, but anyways if we are supposed to guard out hearts, All State isn't the one with good hands Christ is, and unlike Geico, who doesn't want to deal with you for more than fifteen minutes, God wants to deal with you forever. Because once you come around Christ wants to keep you around.
Yea... my God is pretty cool. If you decide to make Christ your ultimate heart insurance agent, you will find that there is no sustain able heart injury that he can't heal.
But unlike insurance Christ isn't with you just in case, He is with you when the 'in-case" happens and when you are living life. Becuase when He becomes our reason for living, we start to wonder how we lived without him in the first place. So give him a call, his number is 1-888-just pray. (this is not a real phone number) or 1-888- the-goal-is-love(nor this one)
Thank you! God bless!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Here's to you
Here's to you, my wonderful friends. You have stayed by my side through this hard time in my life. Who are these friends? None other than Bethany Butler, Hayli Boren, Rachel Shallow, Michael Tapee, Syman Lau, Joshia John, Sidrah Shah, and anyone else who has taken the time to talk to me and just be there for me.
I know that one of these friends, Joshia, is following this blog, not officially, but on her own, and I would like to dedicate this blog to her. Joshia is one of those friends you find very rarely. Friends like her, are a dime-a-dozen. I have only a few like her, and I am lucky to have any at all. What are these friends? These friends are what I like to call "the Spiritual Sharpeners," these are the friends that love Christ more than you do. The friends that you call on the phone crying because of some random tragedy that has befallen you. But anyways today i would like to talk about a specific quality Joshia has.
She never settles for mediocrity.
In our daily relationships we have to do several things to keep the relationship moving forward, because a relationship that stops moving forwards and ceases to progress will begin to move backwards and regress. What are these things: 1) We hang out and talk, 2) We learn about each other, 3) We go over to each others houses. Well not only do these things help us keep relationships in our daily lives moving forward, but it also helps our relationship with God moving forward. What do these three simple things evaluate to?
1) Pray.
When someone is going through something in their lives, or even if it is just a small predicament, the first things I always tell them to do it pray. Prayer is not us talking at God, it is us talking To God... see the difference? We talk to him and he talks back, sometimes directly and sometimes indirectly. It is our "date night with Jesus" so to speak. Don't say all these memorized prayers-- pray from your heart and speak as if he was right in front of you, and another thing-- don't go down a list.
2) Read the Bible.
Every answer to every question is there. So why do people seldomly ever pick it up. People say "I want to know what Jesus was like!" Well then open up your bible and read about him! This is a personal time for you and Christ. People say that the Bible is outdated, but that my friends is a lie. Every story and every analogy and every verse-- we can apply them to our daily lives. Reading the Bible, and really reading, not just skimming, but whole-hearted reading, can really drastically move our relationship with Christ forward.
3) Go to Church.
People say that "Church is full of hypocrites, so I don't go, I don't want a pastor telling me how to live my life" Well to the first part: if your church is full of hypocrites, then find a new one. The point of a church is to take part in fellowship. When we do this we are supposed to be encouraging people, and lifting each other up, but if that's not whats happening in yours all i can say is... frankly... talk to the pastor or find a new one, because that's not what Christ intended the church to be. To the second part unless the pastor or priest isn't reading from the bible, then its not him telling you how to live your life--- its God. Pastors who can't back up their message with the bible, then its probably not a good message.
These things help us to keep the relationship moving forward. We can't settle for meritocracy with Christ, never, our relationship is designed to stretch us, not make us comfortable. When you get comfortable in your relationship, you need to get uncomfortable and step out of that comfort zone of yours. Something that will keep your relationship with Christ a continuous and life long thing.
Joshia never gets comfortable, and i hope that I can be more like her... No matter where you are in your relationship tonight, step out off your plate and evaluate it. You might decide to make some changes.
I know that one of these friends, Joshia, is following this blog, not officially, but on her own, and I would like to dedicate this blog to her. Joshia is one of those friends you find very rarely. Friends like her, are a dime-a-dozen. I have only a few like her, and I am lucky to have any at all. What are these friends? These friends are what I like to call "the Spiritual Sharpeners," these are the friends that love Christ more than you do. The friends that you call on the phone crying because of some random tragedy that has befallen you. But anyways today i would like to talk about a specific quality Joshia has.
She never settles for mediocrity.
In our daily relationships we have to do several things to keep the relationship moving forward, because a relationship that stops moving forwards and ceases to progress will begin to move backwards and regress. What are these things: 1) We hang out and talk, 2) We learn about each other, 3) We go over to each others houses. Well not only do these things help us keep relationships in our daily lives moving forward, but it also helps our relationship with God moving forward. What do these three simple things evaluate to?
1) Pray.
When someone is going through something in their lives, or even if it is just a small predicament, the first things I always tell them to do it pray. Prayer is not us talking at God, it is us talking To God... see the difference? We talk to him and he talks back, sometimes directly and sometimes indirectly. It is our "date night with Jesus" so to speak. Don't say all these memorized prayers-- pray from your heart and speak as if he was right in front of you, and another thing-- don't go down a list.
2) Read the Bible.
Every answer to every question is there. So why do people seldomly ever pick it up. People say "I want to know what Jesus was like!" Well then open up your bible and read about him! This is a personal time for you and Christ. People say that the Bible is outdated, but that my friends is a lie. Every story and every analogy and every verse-- we can apply them to our daily lives. Reading the Bible, and really reading, not just skimming, but whole-hearted reading, can really drastically move our relationship with Christ forward.
3) Go to Church.
People say that "Church is full of hypocrites, so I don't go, I don't want a pastor telling me how to live my life" Well to the first part: if your church is full of hypocrites, then find a new one. The point of a church is to take part in fellowship. When we do this we are supposed to be encouraging people, and lifting each other up, but if that's not whats happening in yours all i can say is... frankly... talk to the pastor or find a new one, because that's not what Christ intended the church to be. To the second part unless the pastor or priest isn't reading from the bible, then its not him telling you how to live your life--- its God. Pastors who can't back up their message with the bible, then its probably not a good message.
These things help us to keep the relationship moving forward. We can't settle for meritocracy with Christ, never, our relationship is designed to stretch us, not make us comfortable. When you get comfortable in your relationship, you need to get uncomfortable and step out of that comfort zone of yours. Something that will keep your relationship with Christ a continuous and life long thing.
Joshia never gets comfortable, and i hope that I can be more like her... No matter where you are in your relationship tonight, step out off your plate and evaluate it. You might decide to make some changes.
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