In All Honesty...

In all honesty... I don't know what to write about. I'm genuinely hoping that something will morph into something... I'd like to dedicate this blog to my dearest friend Hayli Boren, who just happens to be sitting next to me. I love her, she is my SOUL sister. SOUL actually stands for Sisters in Our Undeniable Lord, it originally was SOL, but some would translate that as S... Out of Luck, so we quickly changed it.
Considering that my grandfather is ill, my mom has been flying back and forth to El Paso to visit and be with him. Being an only child I am used to having all the attention, but now I hardly see my mom it seems.

I've been put on the back burner. For the first time in my life.

Of course this is all strange and weird, and I don't like it. My mom's life used to practically revolve around me, and now I probably am the least of her worries. She told me "Jenna, you need to step it up, and take this time to grow up a bit, because I need you to. Please don't grow up completely, but just a little would be nice." Of course I didn't take this well, it hurt. Granted she said it in the nicest way possible, but that is when I really figured out that yes, I am extremely mature for my age, but I am too childish in forgetting things and procrastinating.
I guess I never thought that I would have to become mature before I was an adult, and sooner or later all teens have to become a young adult rather than a teen before they can actually be considered an adult for whatever reason. I just never guess it would happen to me. Of course I've been struggling with God through this, because he knows what I need to do, and I don't want to do it. My journals have become shorter, and I am less enthusiastic about my bible reading, but there is one reason I have been able to stay so strong. Faith. And along with faith, the person who is teaching me to have faith, the person who believes that faith is crap and logic is all that matters. For purposes of privacy we will call him... Cole.
 I am very good friends with Cole, and he wants proof, not faith. Through answering as many of his questions as I can, God has strengthened me, and helped me to love really hard. I love Joe, I love him a lot. He is definitely one of my dearest friends. And it is because I love him a lot that I want to see him one day after I die, and not in the line of people going to Hell.
 I've been tested and pushed far beyond my limits talking to my friend. Sometimes I can't answer his questions, and I feel like I'm failing him... I feel so hopeless sometimes. But I am trying super hard to not give up and keep my faith, knowing that my dear friend Cole has been placed in my life for a reason.
I just wanted to share this with you all because I would really like everyone to be stronger than I am myself. I love you all, and I try to love everyone. Faith is how we see, so we might as well not be blind.